Tag Archives: Mom

Photo Dump – Dec. 17th 2015 Edition

So I want to start doing a monthly phone photo dump to show what really goes on in my life… lol Not much this past month, other than some birthdays and some Jamicures going on around here. I do see I need to include people in my pictures and not just the dogs! They are the only ones who don’t complain when I take pictures!

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Gizmo Waiting for me to go to bed!

Molly asking if it time for bed.

Molly asking if it time for bed.

Mom's 66th Birthday

Mom’s 66th Birthday

Mom's Birthday Dinner... A little KFC makes her happy!

Mom’s Birthday Dinner… A little KFC makes her happy!

Lets have turkey for dinner!

Lets have turkey for dinner!

One of my birthday presents

One of my birthday presents

Prepping for a new project

Prepping for a new project

My new photography project! Could not do this with out Joel's help!

My new photography project! Could not do this with out Joel’s help!

My Jamberry Manicure

My Jamberry Manicure

Another beautiful Jamberry Manicure

Another beautiful Jamberry Manicure

AND one more Jamberry manicure!

AND one more Jamberry manicure!

Cold doggies after a bad mean person gave them a bath! lol

Cold doggies after a bad mean person gave them a bath! lol

Visiting mom.

Visiting mom.

Canning cranberries... Such a pretty color.

Canning cranberries… Such a pretty color.

So… Whats on your phone, post your favorite phone photo in the comments!

 

 

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Dementia: I hate You! Part 2

Dementia: I Hate You (part 2)

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I hope this story can help others who are going through this!

I also hope my telling the story helps me as we all have doubts about if your doing the right thing or not!

Going to see the doctor was very peaceful. My mom loves her Doctor and I found her to be wonderful as well. My only complaint about the wonderful Doctor Barry is that she gets all up in your personal space. This is from dealing with older people on very stressful topics for years, no doubt. Mom however thrived being that close to her and felt very comfortable with her. She held her hand and looked right into Mom’s eyes the whole time they were talking.

Dr. Barry then asked some questions and also did a test with mom called the “Mini Mental” test. This test was eye opening to watch. The doctor asked mom questions that anyone would know easily and then had her do a copy a picture type of an activity. It was interesting that my mom could not come up with the names of simple objects but would try to cover with humor and laughter. The Doctor held up a blue paperclip and asked mom what it was but mom could not come up with the name so she called it a blue thingy ma bobby and mimed what it did. Mom did pretty well on the test but I guess, but missed enough to go on to the next level of testing.

Around this time because of all of my mothers needs I lost my job. My boss made it sound like a reorganization but I know it was because I needed too much flexibility and had only been working for him for a few months. Not long enough for him to care about my troubles one way or another. Oh well I needed to be available to mom anyway… She was our priority.

We were given an appointment with the doctors at our local hospital. The second level of testing was just a more extensive version of the Mini Mental test. The only real difference was that it included some balance and dexterity testing. She had no balance at all, but I don’t think she ever did. I think I have seen drunk people do better walking a straight line than she did. So after Dr. Barry looked over the new reports we were then given an appointment at L&M in New London.

In the time between doctors appointment I talked mom and my husband into doing a little house shopping and started searching for the perfect new home for all of us. Now most people would have had their mom move in with them or moved in with her but neither of those options would have worked. She refused to live with us because she would not be able to have her own space and because our house was not up to her standards. We could not move in with her because my husband would not be able to move that far away from his daughter’s mother so that they could continue to share custody of Hannah. SOOOO we needed to find a house that my mom approved of and that was close enough to Hannah’s mother. Fun Fun! It’s hard to remember to add in that my husband and I had to decide that we would leave/sell/rent our house and change our daughter’s school and everything else in between. We had lived in our home together for 5 years and he had lived in it for 5 years before that, so it was a bit of a painful decision that he made with out a backwards glance. (An angel he is!)

On the night before we were supposed to go house hunting at about 9:00pm my mother drove up to our house totally unexpected. She wasn’y supposed to be at our home until 9:00am the next morning. Mom thought she was on time for our house hunting fun. Hmmm… Its pitch dark out side and she was thinking it was morning. She had fallen asleep for a nap and woke up thinking she had slept all night. She got ready to come over thinking it was morning and drove to our house in the dark with out going hmmmm… something is amiss here! It was then we knew we needed to expedite things. Trying to explain things to her in a non-embarrassing way was difficult but we got her settled in to sleep on the couch and went to bed ourselves even though it was a little early for us. We did not sleep well but stayed up talking about the situation and listening for anything out of place in the house. Vigilance turned into a new way of life for us.

House hunting was a real nightmare because nothing was good enough and she couldn’t remember going to look at the houses not to mention if she liked one or another! Her friends were making it worse because I was moving her out of town, they made her upset time and time again by talking to her about it. They also called me to ask why it had to happen so soon and why we could not just live with her and a million other things. I know I had it easy in the sense that I did not have siblings to argue with but I really wanted to hang her friends by the toes a time or four. I must say that I truly love and respect both of my mom’s best friends. I used to call them my second mom’s and hopefully treated them with respect for the most part during this difficult time.

I have no idea what the specialist doctor’s name was but he was fantastic. We were lucky to get him for sure. He usually did not see out patients at all so our Doctor pulled a few strings to get us into see him. Mom was chatty the whole time we were waiting for the doctor but, I could tell she was feeling a little out of sorts this morning. I am not sure she really knew why we were going to see this doctor. All I know is what he had to say at the end off the testing changed everything.

This doctor asked question after question for almost three hours. He was trying to tire her out to see if her memory got worse as time went on. I don’t know that it did get worse during the testing. He asked the same questions at different intervals and she would answer them wrong more often than not. She knew who I was most of the time but she never knew where we were or why we were there. She always tried to cover and make light of what she was forgetting. She would say things like “Why would I care to know” or “everyone forgets that” or “wow I knew that a minute ago” or “oh it’s on the tip of my tongue. It was also interesting on how much she would look to me to fill in for her. I guess this has been our game for a while and before that it was what my Step-dad did. She would start to answer and then turn half toward me hoping I would jump in and save her. It was painful to not be able to jump in during the testing. My job was to let her try to answer and be there to clarify if she was right or wrong. Talk about feeling like a traitor. I had to point out every time she was wrong and I know that just made her memory worse through all of the embarrassment and frustration she was feeling.

By the end of the testing the doctor somehow had his diagnosis. He said that without a doubt my mother has Picks Disease. Which is one of the most awful types of dementia. Mom listened as he spoke but I am not sure what she understood. I did unfortunately understand and was just a little more than totally devastated. I won’t go into the features of Picks disease this time but stop here for now.

Except to say that this doctor help me by telling mom she could no longer drive and that she needed to be living with someone sooner than later. More on this in part 3.

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Dementia: I Hate You! (part 1)

I know I am not the only one to hate dementia! What is there to love or even like about it. It steals your loved one away from you in a slow and painful way. My mother was a smart lady who had her life in order. She and her husband had their lives all planned out, and then Dementia

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This was my Mom Sally in 2008 with my Step-Father Marvin at mine and Joel’s wedding.

This was shortly before she retire.

 

My mother started feeling slow and stupid at work. Her work was taking her longer than ever before and she did not know why. She decided after a couple of years to retire early to save her from the stress and sleeplessness she was experiencing. After that her friends started to notice that she was forgetful and confused sometimes. She would forget what things were called, one day she was trying to order french fries and after much struggling she came up with “fingers”they all tried to laugh it off. The small stuff was adding up and her two best friends would call me to complain because they knew my Mom and Step-Father Marvin were not doing anything about her decline.

And then… Cancer… My Step-Father Marvin was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. They didn’t catch the cancer earlier because Marvin was way to healthy. (ironic) After this diagnosis any chance that my mother would have gotten any testing or treatment went right out the window. It wasn’t that they decided that her condition didn’t matter it was that they had bigger fish to fry and did not really see anything medically wrong with Mom. My Step-Father was great at being her memory so it did not seem like she had a huge looming issue.

The truth didn’t get figured out until after Marvin had passed away. The shock of his death kickstarted her disease into overdrive. They say stress can make things worse and boy did it! Thank goodness for my Step-Aunt Shirley being around at the end of Marvin’s life and during the whole funeral ordeal. I had been kept in the dark for the most part when it came to mom’s problems. Marvin made sure we were involved with a lot of his information and all the legal things to be done pertaining to his dying. We knew that mom was having some difficulties with her memory and word recall but we had no idea of the scope of the issue. During the funeral Mom seemed out of sorts and unable to make any decisions. She was just plain angry at everyone who was involved with making any important decisions. After Marvin had passed away Mom seemed to be depressed most of the time. She did not leave her room much and ate very little. Canned beans was her food of choice when she did eat. She was not cooking or really going out of her room. It was all very confusing to me to come over for a planned outing and find that she was still in bed and really had no idea why I was over. I now wonder is she was confused as to who I was even then.

I talked her into getting a dog(BIG MISTAKE) and she seemed very happy with the dog. She however could not figure out the harness or anything else that pertained to Molly’s care. The dog peed all over her room because Mom had come to the decision that taking her outside to pee was mean. I think she was afraid to go outside if it was dark and that she did not want to get dressed to go outside either. I would try explain things so they made  sense to her but she would just get mad at me. Things were just getting stranger by the minute!

So I made my first Mother daughter doctors appointment!

To be continued…

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